What is Blessed Plight?

Through a month of this, my experience is that being diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer is a plight.  It is also that God works all things together for good, for those who love Him and are called to His purpose. [Romans 8:28]  ...and that is a form of being blessed.   So my 'Blessed Plight' is that while I/we have this really big  mountain to deal with, I have also been overwhelmingly blessed entering into it, being in it, and I will be overwhelmingly blessed after it, because I serve and follow Jesus.

I had friend of mine reply on my FB page to one of my posts.  He is a solid Christian guy that I have known and respected for a decade or so.  He said that he knew a few people that had gone through this or a similar plight, and they said that they would not change it for the world.  A month in, and no conclusive anything except that they don't know what kind of non small cell cancer they are going to diagnose me with due to confused labs.  I can agree with my friend's friends not wanting to change it.  Is it hard?..VERY.   Do I wish it was gone?...Maybe?.?.?   If I could erase this time, would I do it?...I don't think so, but I am not completely sure.

The reason I am nearing that state now is that there were some things that I was praying for that just Were...Not...Happening.  In my analysis of what was missing and why God would not answer them, I discovered that I was not in the alignment with God, that God wanted for me, and the details just started to flow and be revealed to me.   I think they apply to many people at many different levels.  That is the cool thing about walking with Jesus.  He makes a personal plan for each person.   I am happy to report that I have been given everything I had been praying for.  Some of it was difficult, and frankly impossible, without God.  The door opened, and I took the step, and it worked in a few of those cases.

Anyway, a layer deeper on alignment, forgiveness, and action.   Perhaps this is more practically or better summarized as love God, love your neighbor, and talk is cheap.

1. When things are comfortable in life, we tend to get comfortable with our own way.   That way does not always align with the way of God.  So that comfort sometimes needs to be disrupted to reveal the supernatural power of relationship with God in our lives, and most importantly coming into alignment with what Jesus taught.  It requires the placing of self and self-comfort to the side, and not just praying about, but doing what is written.  When we find ourselves comfortable and look closely, we can find pleasing ourselves at the center in our "selfaverse".
2. Forgiveness.   It was in Matthew 22:33-40 that we find Jesus preaching and once again, the Pharisees show up to test Him.   He schools them through the whole chapter with lessons on not judging people by appearance at the wedding, being a responsible citizen to government and community, relationships in heaven, the greatest two commandments, and his lineage and Lordship.  I think forgiveness falls into the category of the greatest two commandments...Love God with all your heart and love your neighbor as you love yourself.  As Christians, we even say, "forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors" in the Lord's prayer.  So what are we asking for if we have someone who has wronged us "so heinously", and we chose to hold a grudge?  Firstly, we get to carry that rock around with us which is ridiculous.  Secondly, and more importantly, we have broken the 2nd greatest commandment, and we are essentially asking to not be forgiven by saying the Lord's prayer.   However, in a state of comfort, how easy is it to just not deal with the person and take the easy path?  The path of least resistance?  Just chalk it up to the time is not right, or they will eventually see the error in their ways and come around.  To be perfectly honest, I had fallen prey to the easy path in a few cases and it was a blocker in my prayer life.  I knew this and prayed about it, and never really took any actual action.   Sometimes, we just have to take the step.  Reduce yourself, and take it in faith, and it will usually work out entirely differently than what our pride and worry would have us believe.
3. Habits...We all have those habits that we know God does not want for us.  Some may curse, some may have addictions, some may steal, some may hate, some may tell white lies to make people feel better, some may treat people harshly...road rage :-), impatience with others,  and so on.  They are all sin for one reason or another and what ever yours is/are, I am sure you can identify.  Alignment with what God wants for us is the way to a healthy spiritual life where the supernatural can be activated. While quite verbose, Galatians 5:19-26 does a great job of listing what misalignment looks like, as well as what alignment and the fruit of that discipline look like, in contrasts in verse 22.  The offering is there.  It requires alignment with action and not just words.  Talk is cheap!  If you want to release the supernatural in your life take action to align.  So often the first step to improvement is on us.   Remember Peter walking on water in Matthew 14:29?

Do any of these sound familiar to you?  My guess is that most of us encounter this point, at some point in our lives, and likely it happens more than once.  Its when life turns into the old commercial about the guy who gets up to go make the Dunkin Doughnuts every day and its the same old prayer life day in and day out, and we just put up with those things that are not right in our lives, say a prayer about them, and go on with our day...yet there is nothing happening.   The supernatural power of God beyond the usual day to day is hidden because we have these self-oriented blockers in our lives.  

As it turns out, sometimes God can put you in a position where He will supernaturally answer your prayers, but it will be a "Shadow of the Valley of death" in Psalm 23:4 experience for you.  That is my "Blessed Plight".   I am staring down the gun barrel at what one oncologist told me was a 50% chance of living a year.  Yet, all of the prayers I was praying have been answered in spades.   I mean mind blowing here is everything you asked for.  I am now living the life I always wanted.  I am watching God do supernatural things in my and Kelly's life, almost daily.  Stuff that there was NO WAY it was going to happen without God moving me, and changing my circumstances.   In contrast, I was also blessed with an appetite for milk.  For some reason I love milk.  Milk is high in calcium which causes very strong bones, the strongest of which seems to be my skull.   That has positioned me well to get really big 2x4's over the head occasionally which eventually awaken me.  :-) 

So would I change my plight?  I don't think so.  It is scary to have someone tell you, you have a disease that can kill you in a short period of time.  If I could change it, it would be tempting to just make it go away and return to my "gotta go make the doughnuts prayer life".  But feeling this level of freedom is incredible.  As odd as it sounds, being at peace in a storm where I have not an ounce of control, is freeing.  I am literally forced to make the choice between trust God or just sit around and worry without Him.  Thank you for your prayers.  They are working.  Kelly and I continue to Soar on Wings like Eagles #Isaiah40:31 in our faith during this storm. 

Status 2/27/17

It all started back around the holidays in 2016 and I noted that I would occasionally have a wheezing noise when I laid down at night.   Eventually, this got to a point of being really annoying and I wound up staying up Googling it late into the night on Tuesday 1/17.   I resolved to go to the doctor Wednesday 1/18 after work and get it checked out.

As I reflected back I had gone on a run early in 2016 and been really winded, and swimming maybe 1/2 a mile in the ocean had also caused me to be more winded than usual.  I was always one to just be able to run so a short run and a little  swimming should not have blown my wind, but I thought nothing of it and chalked it up to I'm in my 40's and have been lazy about working out.

A running reflection from the past...After my daughter blew her knee out in 2007, and would not be able to use the $75 race fee, the cheapskate in me decided to use it and just go run, so as to not waste money.  Since I was registered as Kati Bagley for the race, I think I may have cracked the top 10 for teenage girls that day.   That was the last rock and roll marathon I ran and it was on 2 days training (a 4 miler and a 8 miler), and praying my favorite verse of all time Isaiah 40:31  through the 2 training runs and the race.  I wound up finishing in 2 hours on the nose and celebrated completing the race and doing it in about the same time I did the last one a couple years before.

So back to 2017.   I went to the doctor on Wednesday who said that I was in great shape, but the XRay had something really odd on it.  It was something in my upper left lung.   He recommended that I find a pulmonologist asap.   Fortunately my wife Kelly knows the whole industry through work and managed to get me an appointment for Friday morning.  He did not like the XRay and sent me off for CT Scan.   That revealed that I had a 7.74 cm  tumor in my upper lobe, in my left lung.  What!?   This wasn't supposed to happen.  I am in that phase of dreaming about retirement in the Outer Banks in 10 or 15 years.    Once that happened, the docs were able to squeeze me in on a cancellation for a CT Scan guided biopsy the next week on 1/24.  After 3 days of sweating bullets, praying, and general agony, it came back that the biopsy was negative for cancer.   Celebration!   Kelly and I went out to dinner and enjoyed a great night together.  

The next week, I met with a thoracic surgeon who ordered the routine PET Scan which happened on 2/7.   They need to verify that there is no cancer before operating since that would be the equivalent of blowing on a dandelion and spreading it everywhere.  As somewhat expected, the PET Scan returned negative for cancer and we planned surgery on 2/13.   Wow what a pace!   1/28 to 2/13 and I would be on the OR table lined up for a lobectomy where they would remove the upper lobe of my left lung with a really cool robotic device called the DaVinci.  Long painful recovery, but wow we have the best medical stuff in the world here in the United States.  

As the surgery approached I became a little apprehensive since it had been 40 years since I had been under general anesthesia.  A few friends in that field told me to relax, it would be fine, and 2/13 eventually came.   As they rolled me back to the OR, I remember being groggy and finally getting on the table thinking I hope I go to sleep soon.  And Poof!  I was asleep.  Really deep, awesome, don't get this much sleep.  The kind where you wake up and don't know how long you were out.   

Anyway, I woke up a couple hours later in the recovery room, and staff there brought me water and talked for a minute or two.   As I came to, I asked them where my wife was and told them I wanted to see her.   So they rolled me up to my room within 15 or so minutes.  As I sat in the room, continuing to come to, my wife came through the door visibly upset.   I was in and out of keeping my eyes open, but she shared that they found stage 4 lung cancer (tumor > 7 cm and metastasized beyond the lung to other places) and could not do the surgery.   In my case, I have it in my lung pleura which is the sack around the lung and on my diaphragm which is part of your respiratory system and just below the lungs.  My first instinct (awake, but in a little bit of a haze) was to say that we'd get this fixed.  After I finally fully came out of it, that really did not change.   I was a little surprised by that, but there was so much prayer leading up to surgery, and my faith is strong, so I just believed that God would just work it out I guess.  Tons of people from church, work, and family came to the hospital which was awesome.  I love a good party and that is what it felt like.  Just a bunch of close friends piling in together to hang out and have some laughs.  A ton of laughter and prayer those few days and thank you to all who came to visit me/us while I was in.  Thank you to my soul mate and wonderful wife who would not leave my side.   She has always been that way, but this time it was literal and in a hospital, and not so much figurative.

I had  to undergo an MRI to check and see if I had any cancer in my brain.  That all checked out and nothing there.   I have to pause here and say that MRI machines clearly were not invented by people with any level of claustrophobia.   I discovered that I am extremely claustrophobic and totally went bat crazy when they put a wash cloth over my eyes, the mask on, and shoved me into the tight space.  After 4 minutes I was hyper ventilating (after lung surgery and still with a lung tumor) so they pulled me out and it was a failed attempt.  It was not going to work.  So Kelly scheduled me at her facility where they have an "open MRI" which is slightly more open.   What really made the difference was that they 1. told me what was going on every step of the way and 2. gave me a mirror so that I could see Kelly from within the bowels of the machine.  I heard a great quote that day from a co-worker who said, "Don't you see, you were focused on what you love, and there was no room for what you fear."  Brilliant quote.  I won't soon forget that.

Fast forward to today 2/27.   While the cell stains during surgery revealed that I have have non small cell lung cancer, all lab work in Chesapeake and at UVA is inconclusive as to what kind of non small cell cancer it is.  Our hope is that they will actually get the samples to M.D. Anderson today via Fed Ex and they will be able to provide some answers.   

Kelly and I have been blessed so much by all of the people around us praying for us, that we have remained in a calm state which I am convinced God has given us as a result of those prayers, and we remain confident that God will provide.   We do not understand this, we do not know when He will provide, and we do not know how He will provide, but we do know that God tells us to be still and know that He is God in Psalm 46:10.  God orchestrated all of the appointments to get us here in hyper warp speed, and the fact that we are now waiting, is for a reason only God knows.  We do not understand it, but we know that God is in charge.  So we wait to hear back from them to get a trip to Houston scheduled.  Meanwhile we rest well and smile while God works.


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