Since the its not cancer good news, I have been frustrated with the lack of progress on my lung tumor shrinking over the past month and the prescription of 80mg of Prednisone that I get to take daily. I wound up reaching the point of talking to some people about the lack of any progress over the past week or so. Thanks to those who were willing to listen to me throw up in your ear.
On the positive peripheral benefits side, I have been on Prednisone for the last month and I have to say, when it comes to prepping 2 houses for sale, there is no better prescription with which to be saddled. Big appetite, no sleep, and a whirlwind of activity. With that goes crankier than usual (sorry Kelly) and seemingly not being able to keep up physically with one's mind racing constantly. At any rate, the Prednisone is supposed to help my immune system battle this 8cm Inflammatory Pseudotumor (medical lingo generic bucket for the unknown) which has apparently declared squatter's rights in the top lobe of my left lung. I had some odd symptoms a couple weeks ago that led me to an XRay which revealed no change after a couple weeks on the meds. Breathing has not improved, the coughing is still there, and i can feel it in there every so often which is irritating so say the least. I have faithfully followed the orders and prescription daily, and I see no change for the past month. I have prayed constantly for healing and seen no change. The docs say that it takes time, but time? A month and NO change? really? The docs keep checking up with it takes time...How about we get down to brass tacks and get some resolution here!? It isn't working yet, and I am not hearing any reasonable solutions aside from do the partial open chest thoracotomy lung lobectomy which will immobilize me mid rental season in OBX, trying to prep to sell two houses and moving to temp space and then to our new house, and generally suck beyond all belief well into mid summer. I "vent-digress".
So back to this past week. I wound up speaking with some really wise people as I mentioned, and took the opportunity to throw up in their ear. I also went to God and asked Him, "what is up with this?" I remember saying, "You healed me from my death sentence I was given in February, I know you can heal this tumor whether through drugs, miracle, or some other way, I believe that you will do it again, and nothing...<crickets chirping>." I got done with my rather spirited prayer, with God, of iterating through my list of grievances with how God is not working fast enough for me. Isn't that cool how we can go to God with that kind of stuff? :-) I have to think that He is totally cool with that if you ever need to just blow up at Him. He's God. Just be respectful, say your piece and move on to accepting His plan...its for your own good. With that you may get the benefit of learning more about your situation in ways you may not expect, but I am confident that God gets that we are human since he created us an all, and is much bigger than being shaken by a child of His having a fit, once in a blue. So anyway, what's up with this? Why is there no progress? Oddly, I wound up with a fever of 101 Wednesday night which was the shaking I think I may have needed. This was no sleep all night, wringing wet like just ran through a car wash night sweats. Remember I said you may get to learn beyond what you expect...? Night sweats can mean a lot of things. I used to get them every night earlier leading up to and just after surgery. It could be a bug, it could be some kind of inflammation or infection, or it can also be a symptom of cancer. Fever is the body fighting. I do not know what happened, but by morning I had no fever and as luck would have it next to no sleep, but I assure you I was really nice to Kelly and everyone else, all day. :-) ok I may need to ask to be forgiven for that lie. The tumor is still there and causing breathing issues so that did not end, but the message of wake up and get in line with me seemed to be ringing in my head pretty loud. Today I am back to usual status, and have not had any night sweats since Wednesday. whew!
INTROSPECTION...
In my situation, I found myself cheating on my less or no sugar diet which are known inflammatory antigens, taking in too many carbs, and generally thinking, this is all going to be good I just need to get through it. Things like celebrations would happen and I would eat like 8 cup cakes because that was to be "a cheat day". Or beers on the weekend, or whatever. However, the truth is that is not being a good steward of ones health and body, if you know that what you are eating could be causing inflammation issues with what has been labeled as an inflammatory tumor, you may be the problem. With that I noted the erosion of the good work that had been done in me through this blessed plight, and I noted some sliding back. Perhaps you other very busy people out there are familiar with them...road rage, impatience, short temper, and so on. Net net, I was getting way too comfortable in this insanely busy time with houses and church groups, etc.
Then I started to wonder am I doing something that is blocking my progress, or am I not doing something that I should be doing. For example in Mark 11:25 we are commanded to go forgive others immediately after Jesus says believe and whatever you ask for in my name you will have. I remember pursuing people that I needed to reconcile with as I was advised by a brilliant healing preacher woman named Edith. When you are a person who works hard and likes to see the results of your work, you can quickly get to maybe I am not working hard enough to "earn it". God doesn't work on "earn it", however. God wants us to abide, but He also does not mandate a score card where we have to perform to meet His standard. As Christians, we already have the standard. It is Jesus. We are redeemed and made perfect in the eye of God by His own sacrifice. Change habits to abide more closely, possibly, but earn it, isn't the answer. I once heard someone say, the best barometer of your spiritual health is your prayer life. Well, I can't say mine was improving. In fact I found myself rushing through it sometimes. So the reality is, it had started to fade. Don't be afraid of a good gut check every once in a while. We can reap a lot of benefit from introspection. And our warts are not as bad as they may seem, but we have to remain committed and work at it.
Isn't it interesting how this process works. There is always that little thing that devolves into another, and that into another, and so on. I think comfort is a state where we are particularly vulnerable. I can't say I was ever really comfortable with having the tumor, but it was such a relief to get the "it isn't cancer (anymore) and we don't know why thing from the docs" that I got "comfortable". John Ortberg wrote a book called "The Me I want to Be" where he has one of my favorite quotes of all time. "The pursuit of comfort leads to isolation. And isolation is terminal." As we extrapolate from that, when we are comfortable, we tend to devolve to self, or perhaps more bluntly, a path of isolation from God. When we get there we open ourselves to listen, hear, and act upon influence which make us want to take control, even well into instances where we have none. As we analyze our circumstances, we often can iterate, albeit ad nauseum in tough situations, which can devolve into worry. We may even give our issue to God, only to take it back, then give it back, etc amid our state of processing. As we worry, we get more and more impatient when there isn't an outcome of our desired result, or for that matter any result, when we find ourselves in the echo chamber of waiting. That wears on the soul which leads to fatigue and just getting run down and tired.
THE GIFT OF WAITING...
W.A.I.T. as i have "acronymed" it in the title of this blog is the classic human form of wait, when it is something really big. You have to love how God can use our hardworking good intentions nature gone amok, to develop us. So what is the remedy for this inherent problem afflicting the human race, as we happen upon big stuff in our lives?
Galatians 5:22,23 includes one fruit which is patience, or long-suffering, or forbearance in other translations. Why do
you suppose that God would put that there as a fruit of the spirit
seemingly derived from the first which is love? I don't know that I have that answer, but what I do know is that it is there and it is something that will come from the Spirit. So it has value, and it is something that will have to be developed by God in us. If I ask myself what is at the core of patience? I arrive at trust. It is when I do not trust that the outcome will be suitable that I am most likely to work to intervene in attempt to impact the outcome to my desired result. The issue with that is, if it is a situation beyond my control, and I have given it to God, God does not need my help. So, if I do not trust Him and I continue to work to impact the outcome, I am pretty much on my own as I take things back from Him to impact.
I was in a conversation with a friend named Lisa about a song that I really like called Vertigo by U2 the other day. I think that most people don't realize that Bono makes yet another biblical reference in this song. "Uno, dos, tres, catorce" or as translated, 1,2,3,14. I have read that this is in reference to the 1st testament, 2nd book, 3rd chapter, 14th verse which is Exodus 3:14 where God is telling Moses "I AM" and to go tell the people you are about to be rescued from slavery in Egypt after all these centuries. As I contrast the two ways to wait (human vs. with God) I am reminded that with the great I AM, is the answer. My favorite verse Isaiah 40:31 opens with those who wait upon (or have hope in) the Lord will be renewed in their strength. They will soar on wings of eagles. There is power in waiting faithfully. It is not easy, and sometimes it is just grueling but in the end, those who wait faithfully will soar. At times, waiting requires us to just sit still and wait. I am reminded of Job who lost it all and waited and waited and waited, until finally breakthrough and he was rewarded double for his trouble in Job 42:10 after praying for his friends that looked to condemn him, as is also mentioned in Zechariah 9:12 in a different, but similar count of waiting. But that time in the middle is hard. Psalm 46:10 is another instance where the great I AM says be still and wait on me, it is going to be worth it. In each case full trust and surrender was required of the person waiting, and I believe that to be the case for us today. While let go, let God is easy to say, working to truly land there and then wait on God, offers reward in many ways.
As I sit here on my back deck at "the Jellyfish" in Kill Devil Hills today getting ready to spin up into "full Prednisone mode" painting, I reflect and press onward with long suffering (no laughing those who know me well), I am renewed in my faith that this tumor will pass and I will be restored to 100% and grown in some way well beyond just that.
#Isaiah40:31
Saturday, April 29, 2017
Friday, April 28, 2017
Nothing cancer related here...just a cool God story.
A little late getting this one out. Its a few weeks old, but was sitting in drafts. But here goes.
I went to Tampa on a business trip which included a 5:30 am flight out or Norfolk Wednesday morning. Getting up at 3:30 to go catch a plane is not one of those things that I ever really look forward to, but in the interest of fulfilling my Tuesday night commitment, and spending 1 less night away from home, I pressed through it. At any rate, we boarded, flew to Atlanta, where the beginning of what would unfold in the next few days would take place. I "deplaned" (such a goofy word, but what other word works there? unboarded? deboarded? got off of? I digress...) the flight in from Norfolk, and made my way over to the other gate to catch the flight from Atlanta to Tampa. Upon arriving at the gate, they had already started boarding for those privileged flyers riding up front in more comfortable seats with better service and the like. Then it happened...They stopped boarding due to storms. So, those privileged, elite, status members were set in their seats in the plane, and now for an undetermined amount of time, would have to sit on the plane with no power while us unbathed commoners in zone 3 that sit in the back with the chickens, got to walk around in the terminal, grab a water and something to eat at our leisure. A small but fulfilling victory for the common oppressed non-status flying man today, while the elitists status members sat in the plane not moving! I would be remiss if I did not confess to mocking them with a few of the other oppressed people. After 20 minutes or so, we unbathed commoners were allowed to take our seats in the back with the chickens and the plane took off for Tampa.
We did our meetings and dinners, and I got to raise a glass with a coworker and friend who has experienced the same as I have gone through this year. He was told by a urologist that he had cancer, but it wound up not being the case. So we were able to raise a glass together at some place in Ybor City, and while we both have more to go, to be completely healed, we celebrated our blessing of a new lease on life. Thursday rolled around and I started to get delay notifications while in meetings. Once the meetings ended, one of the guys rode with me to the airport. As we pulled into the rental car return, we noted that they were slammed full of cars. I looked at him and said, "this is not a good sign." ...thinking that Atlanta may have blown up and people drove from Atlanta down. As it turns out that assumption was right. After we had seen his flights get cancelled, and mine delayed, we heard the announcement that Atlanta was closed for 8 hours on Thursday and had experienced a ton of scheduling issues on Wednesday, as well. So we booked him a nearby hotel room, I rented a car, and called a friend who I wound up staying with Thursday night. I then got the next available flight out which was 6pm Friday.
While working from my friend's kitchen I stated to get more delay notifications from Delta. As I looked at the site for flight scheduling, it looked like they were behind 3-4 hours, and I figured, I'd just get home really late Friday night. I left for the airport at 3:30 pm and wound up stuck behind an accident where they shut the interstate down. That required rerouting around Tampa Bay to get to the airport. No problem, frustrating, but no problem. I finally got to the airport and noted that I had several more delays for my flight. So much so that my flight from Tampa was landing after the flight from Atlanta to Norfolk would take off. If the 2nd flight delayed, I would be fine. If not, I would be stuck in Atlanta for at least the night. Upon inquiring, the next available out of Atlanta was Saturday night.
Decision time...I walked into the airport took a look around at the chaos and decided to take a seat and ask God what He wanted me to do. I knew I had an appointment at 10 am Saturday with Kitty Hawk Surf Co who had expressed some interest in our Jelly SUP brand kayak/hybrid boards, but that was an unlikely at this point and would need to be rescheduled. After weighing my options of stuck in ATL vs. drive until I drop and then some, I talked to Kelly who agreed that I should go for it. Another factor weighing on my nerves was that I did not have my distance glasses which are needed at night to drive, and especially on unfamiliar I75, I10, I95 and a couple country road short cuts around Gainsville. So I confessed my fear of fatigue, bad vision, rental car, and going to God. I felt God telling me to go. At the same time, this worry about not being able to see, already being tired from short night's sleep for the past 3 nights, and general doubt was on me like a funk that would not go away...or maybe that funk was just being in the same clothes for 3 days.
So, I told God I needed Him and left the airport in a rental car en route for Norfolk with a 24 hour window to make it there per the rental agreement. As I pulled out of the airport and got onto I275 heading for I75, I of course hit traffic. Now I would get to sit and think about my decision which was a no go back thing at this point since I may not be able to get back to the airport in time. I was lucky enough to have Kelly and my parents who were willing to talk on the phone with me as I drove into the sunset over Florida. I managed to get to I 75N by around sunset. The sun dropped and darkness set in, and I had some interesting navigation through Florida to make my way over to I95 North at Jacksonville. Part of that wound up being a short cut through the Gainsville area where I met the first of 4 people I would encounter. A nice old country girl who offered me advise on routing and to get off of 75, skip the elbow where it intersects 10, and use 301 to cut through.
I think I finally got off of the phone with my dad the second time at 10:30pm or so in Brunswick GA after a good long conversation. I called Kelly, and we decided to start looking for possible hotel locations in Savanah, SC or anywhere around there so that I could get some rest. As luck would have it this was Master's weekend in Augusta and spring break weekend. Net net, no room and any inn from GA to NC on 95. I would have to drive through the night. Fortunately, my rental car had Siruis/XM and I wound up listening to a message about God's plan for us. It dawned on me that I may be on a God ordained mission to get to my appointment at KH Surf Co. I spent the remainder of the night gulping ridiculous amounts of coffee, which I had been off for 2 months, listening to messages, and spending time with God.
Kelly woke up and called around 4:50 am which was the voice I needed to hear while driving through the Raleigh Durham area. Sunrise came and I pushed on and pulled into Norfolk airport at 7:00. If I could get through rental return, grab my car, get home, shower, and pack, I had a shot at the 10 am appointment in OBX. So, that was my course.
After driving the last leg of the trip, I pulled into the house in Kill Devil Hills at 9:30 or so. Kelly and I jumped into the car and headed over to KHSC and pulled into their parking lot at 9:52am for the 10 am appointment. We stopped, asked God to preside over the meeting since I was an over caffinated zombie, and whatever His will, we would be thankful for a safe trip back, making the appointment, and hopefully some sleep at some point that day. We went in, met Jason, and lo and behold they bought. Who'd a thunk it? I am at my absolute worst, and they still bought a couple our Jelly SUP inflatable boards as a test run. since then there has been a lot of interest and even purchase, and the hope is that we can work up a bulk order from Shanghai with their logo.
God seems to answer prayers at just the right time, and do it in such a way where you know it was him. I hadn't planned this, wasn't really thinking about it in my plight of being stuck in airports, and had frankly written it off, but He had another plan. Praise to God!
I went to Tampa on a business trip which included a 5:30 am flight out or Norfolk Wednesday morning. Getting up at 3:30 to go catch a plane is not one of those things that I ever really look forward to, but in the interest of fulfilling my Tuesday night commitment, and spending 1 less night away from home, I pressed through it. At any rate, we boarded, flew to Atlanta, where the beginning of what would unfold in the next few days would take place. I "deplaned" (such a goofy word, but what other word works there? unboarded? deboarded? got off of? I digress...) the flight in from Norfolk, and made my way over to the other gate to catch the flight from Atlanta to Tampa. Upon arriving at the gate, they had already started boarding for those privileged flyers riding up front in more comfortable seats with better service and the like. Then it happened...They stopped boarding due to storms. So, those privileged, elite, status members were set in their seats in the plane, and now for an undetermined amount of time, would have to sit on the plane with no power while us unbathed commoners in zone 3 that sit in the back with the chickens, got to walk around in the terminal, grab a water and something to eat at our leisure. A small but fulfilling victory for the common oppressed non-status flying man today, while the elitists status members sat in the plane not moving! I would be remiss if I did not confess to mocking them with a few of the other oppressed people. After 20 minutes or so, we unbathed commoners were allowed to take our seats in the back with the chickens and the plane took off for Tampa.
We did our meetings and dinners, and I got to raise a glass with a coworker and friend who has experienced the same as I have gone through this year. He was told by a urologist that he had cancer, but it wound up not being the case. So we were able to raise a glass together at some place in Ybor City, and while we both have more to go, to be completely healed, we celebrated our blessing of a new lease on life. Thursday rolled around and I started to get delay notifications while in meetings. Once the meetings ended, one of the guys rode with me to the airport. As we pulled into the rental car return, we noted that they were slammed full of cars. I looked at him and said, "this is not a good sign." ...thinking that Atlanta may have blown up and people drove from Atlanta down. As it turns out that assumption was right. After we had seen his flights get cancelled, and mine delayed, we heard the announcement that Atlanta was closed for 8 hours on Thursday and had experienced a ton of scheduling issues on Wednesday, as well. So we booked him a nearby hotel room, I rented a car, and called a friend who I wound up staying with Thursday night. I then got the next available flight out which was 6pm Friday.
While working from my friend's kitchen I stated to get more delay notifications from Delta. As I looked at the site for flight scheduling, it looked like they were behind 3-4 hours, and I figured, I'd just get home really late Friday night. I left for the airport at 3:30 pm and wound up stuck behind an accident where they shut the interstate down. That required rerouting around Tampa Bay to get to the airport. No problem, frustrating, but no problem. I finally got to the airport and noted that I had several more delays for my flight. So much so that my flight from Tampa was landing after the flight from Atlanta to Norfolk would take off. If the 2nd flight delayed, I would be fine. If not, I would be stuck in Atlanta for at least the night. Upon inquiring, the next available out of Atlanta was Saturday night.
Decision time...I walked into the airport took a look around at the chaos and decided to take a seat and ask God what He wanted me to do. I knew I had an appointment at 10 am Saturday with Kitty Hawk Surf Co who had expressed some interest in our Jelly SUP brand kayak/hybrid boards, but that was an unlikely at this point and would need to be rescheduled. After weighing my options of stuck in ATL vs. drive until I drop and then some, I talked to Kelly who agreed that I should go for it. Another factor weighing on my nerves was that I did not have my distance glasses which are needed at night to drive, and especially on unfamiliar I75, I10, I95 and a couple country road short cuts around Gainsville. So I confessed my fear of fatigue, bad vision, rental car, and going to God. I felt God telling me to go. At the same time, this worry about not being able to see, already being tired from short night's sleep for the past 3 nights, and general doubt was on me like a funk that would not go away...or maybe that funk was just being in the same clothes for 3 days.
So, I told God I needed Him and left the airport in a rental car en route for Norfolk with a 24 hour window to make it there per the rental agreement. As I pulled out of the airport and got onto I275 heading for I75, I of course hit traffic. Now I would get to sit and think about my decision which was a no go back thing at this point since I may not be able to get back to the airport in time. I was lucky enough to have Kelly and my parents who were willing to talk on the phone with me as I drove into the sunset over Florida. I managed to get to I 75N by around sunset. The sun dropped and darkness set in, and I had some interesting navigation through Florida to make my way over to I95 North at Jacksonville. Part of that wound up being a short cut through the Gainsville area where I met the first of 4 people I would encounter. A nice old country girl who offered me advise on routing and to get off of 75, skip the elbow where it intersects 10, and use 301 to cut through.
I think I finally got off of the phone with my dad the second time at 10:30pm or so in Brunswick GA after a good long conversation. I called Kelly, and we decided to start looking for possible hotel locations in Savanah, SC or anywhere around there so that I could get some rest. As luck would have it this was Master's weekend in Augusta and spring break weekend. Net net, no room and any inn from GA to NC on 95. I would have to drive through the night. Fortunately, my rental car had Siruis/XM and I wound up listening to a message about God's plan for us. It dawned on me that I may be on a God ordained mission to get to my appointment at KH Surf Co. I spent the remainder of the night gulping ridiculous amounts of coffee, which I had been off for 2 months, listening to messages, and spending time with God.
Kelly woke up and called around 4:50 am which was the voice I needed to hear while driving through the Raleigh Durham area. Sunrise came and I pushed on and pulled into Norfolk airport at 7:00. If I could get through rental return, grab my car, get home, shower, and pack, I had a shot at the 10 am appointment in OBX. So, that was my course.
After driving the last leg of the trip, I pulled into the house in Kill Devil Hills at 9:30 or so. Kelly and I jumped into the car and headed over to KHSC and pulled into their parking lot at 9:52am for the 10 am appointment. We stopped, asked God to preside over the meeting since I was an over caffinated zombie, and whatever His will, we would be thankful for a safe trip back, making the appointment, and hopefully some sleep at some point that day. We went in, met Jason, and lo and behold they bought. Who'd a thunk it? I am at my absolute worst, and they still bought a couple our Jelly SUP inflatable boards as a test run. since then there has been a lot of interest and even purchase, and the hope is that we can work up a bulk order from Shanghai with their logo.
God seems to answer prayers at just the right time, and do it in such a way where you know it was him. I hadn't planned this, wasn't really thinking about it in my plight of being stuck in airports, and had frankly written it off, but He had another plan. Praise to God!
Tuesday, April 11, 2017
Serendiptiy
Serendipity - the faculty or phenomenon of finding valuable or agreeable things not sought for.
I had some people come over to quote me on windows for the house this evening. We had a variety of folks show up, and lots of interesting discussion about windows. As they made their way through it became increasingly evident that this was going to turn into a DIY project. But that last guy...
He told me that he stopped to get something to eat, almost sent another guy over, and when he got here he saw the last guy (competition) leave, and that normally means he is out, due to price. But something told him to come, and then even when he saw his under-priced competition, to knock on the door. So we talked for a few minutes and got down to business on the windows. A handful of windows into it he shared that he had lost his 1st wife to cancer. I must admit that the shameful cynic in me was rolling my imagination's eyes and asking, "are we really going to go here, and go for the pity sale...?" So after two sentences I had to ask, "If you don't mind me asking, what kind of cancer did she die of?" As it turns out she died of NSCLC, way too young, with 4 kids at home just after he returned from Afghanistan for his retirement from the Marines after 20 years of service.
As I listened to that story, and also the story of how his daughter was previously healed of autism, years before that, I was blown away. He admitted that his windows were likely not the price point I was going to want, and we conceded to not talk about windows anymore, and turned this into a faith conversation. As it turns out Glen is a man of very strong faith. He and his wife prayed over their daughter, discovered several things about how unforgiveness can block a healing, and after resolving that, wound up seeing the miracle of their daughter blow the medical industry away by winding up being healed of autism. The doctor apparently admitted that she saw no autism, but could not publicly admit that due to the fact that it would ruin her career.
I eventually shared that I was diagnosed with stage 4 NSCLC and was healed of cancer, but still have this tumor, back in February through so much prayer, and God's awesome grace. I went on to tell my "blessed plight story", and shared that we are starting a cancer support ministry at Great Bridge Presbyterian church on 4/25, which will be mainly focused on prayer and community.
Glen went on to tell me the rest of his incredible story, shared his testimony, and we got into some deeper discussion. He asked what would you say to someone, or the family of someone, who followed God and did it all right, but was not healed? Brilliant question that has been haunting me, because the reality is that healing here on earth does not always happen. The truth is that God calls people home sometimes. I have asked for this answer in prayer knowing that the question will arise at some point. While we did not come up with any definitive answers, we did wind up talking about it quite a bit. We discussed [Mark 11:25] where Jesus says, if you have something against your brother, leave the alter and go fix it. We discussed that some people do not feel worthy and are not able to truly receive a healing, which ironically could be viewed as a form of pride when you think about it. Beyond that, we discussed those that just won't or can't believe and receive.
So, we may have serendipitously (is that really a word?) backed our way into the answer...hold nothing against your brother, discard your pride and receive, and of course you have to believe. Without these ingredients I do not believe that healing is nearly as likely, if at all. Yet even with them, the reality is that it is actually still possible that no healing will take place in God's sovereign plan. So the answer to the question is if there was a complete surrender to God's plan and still no healing took place, God has something greater in mind than the earthly healing. How often this is the case, no one will ever know since we only have our perspective to lean on with regard to the people who are suffering. I cannot imagine myself saying that to anyone, since it shows so little sympathy and/or empathy here on earth, but that is the raw truth. Perhaps the important thing is to just follow the greatest two commandments for those left behind and worry less about explaining why God allowed something to happen to them. When someone does go home to heaven...Love God and love your neighbor. There are too many unknowns to do anything otherwise with our limited human perspective.
When death does occur, sometimes God uses a death to make huge impact for His purpose. I am reminded of some of the great cancer funds that are out there like Jimmy Valvano's for example. The bright side of his death is the huge success of his fund and what it does for so many. Quite possibly, there is some comfort in remembering that this life is truly a vapor [James 4:14] if you are a saved Christian. When you take an eternal focus on life, you suddenly will not see the here an now as your everything, but seem to focus on eternity with Jesus as your everything. To do otherwise would be idolatry in the form of placing a higher priority on your life here and ignoring the big picture of eternity. We are immortal as Christians. We are never going to die. Our earth suits will decay and eventually perish, but our souls will live forever in perfection, together, in heaven. The second that our earth suit dies, is the second that we will be before Jesus, beyond time, beyond pain, beyond this fallen world. I have told people through my blessed plight that I was not afraid to die. I was not, and I still am not. If God wants me to go home, I am going home. If God wants me to stay here and do more, I am going to do that. I do not want to die, and hope that I will not die for a long time, but I also fully surrender to Him. To save ones life, one must lose it. [Mat 16:25] A harsh reality check in priorities and perspective for us, to be sure, but it is truth. God is sovereign and calls us to be His, completely, no matter our circumstance. As I listened to Glen, I was reminded that he has an eternal focus. Even though he has been through war as a Marine, the death of a spouse, dealth with autism in one of his kids, he continues to honor God. In doing so, he also honors his first wife who has gone home to heaven, he honors and takes good care of his kids today, and he is very focused on his faith and keeps his priorities well in order.
So what does it all mean? I have to think that what it means is that God is calling us to do a few things, as I was once told by a very wise healing preacher woman named Edith. You must fully surrender to God's plan to be healed. You must not hold anything against anyone, and you have to fully believe and receive. It is so strange how this keeps coming up in conversations in which I find myself. Glen went on to provide an example and say that he prayed over a co-worker who had cancer return after 5 years in the form of a large abdominal tumor and suffered severe anxiety because of that. However, before he prayed over him he asked, "So do you believe the Jesus can do this? This is about your faith in God, and not me. I can't put my faith on you beyond praying for you. I am just a conduit, but you must believe before it will happen." He told the man he would have the surgery, and it would all be fine. The doctors took the tumor, it was cancerous, and they sent it to pathology for more testing. 3 days later the tests came back inconclusive and he was cancer free. The tumor reduced and went away with medication. That one really hit home as this is essentially my story as I await this tumor to be healed for my 100% restoration for which I have been praying.
I was reminded of when Jesus was doing all of the healing in [Matthew 9]. As we will note, he physically and spiritually heals a paralyzed man, He raises a dead girl and heals a sick woman...in both cases, someone had to come to Jesus and ask for the healing with faith. Then He goes on to heal two blind men and a mute, who he also heals physically and spiritually. In the case of the blind men, they follow Him up into the temple. Jesus asks them point blank, "Do you believe that I am able to do this?" You have to love that. Imagine if they would have said, "well maybe?" or asked, "How will you do it?" or "what are all of the possible outcomes here?" or any other of a million questions we humans like to ask to try to attain some control over a situation. They simply reply, "Yes, Lord" and they are instantly healed. They did not try to take control of it, they simply had faith, believed, and also received the healing.
I think my self-described A.D.D. may have gotten the best of me in this blog post. :-) Back to Serendipity...the answer to the question, "what do you say to someone who did it all right, and they were not healed?" is Love God and love your neighbor when they are sick. Love God and love your neighbor when they lose a loved one. Perhaps limit the postulation of your perspective, since it is only your perspective. As is written in [Proverbs 3:5,6] look to God for His perspective and He will make your path straight. Another favorite is [ Matthew 6:33 ]. If we seek God first, and ask what to say and how to act, He will provide the words and actions that are needed.
So, I prayed over Glen, wished him well, and we agreed that his windows were too expensive, but we agreed that we will meet again, and he will come speak at the GBPC cancer support group. I continue to be blown away by the people God is putting in my life. Glen told me that he had been praying for 6 years to meet someone that was healed of NCSLC, which is what his wife died of, since 3 out of 4 people who are diagnosed with it die annually. I am so excited for this ministry to take off and soar on wings of eagles.
#Isaiah40:31
I had some people come over to quote me on windows for the house this evening. We had a variety of folks show up, and lots of interesting discussion about windows. As they made their way through it became increasingly evident that this was going to turn into a DIY project. But that last guy...
He told me that he stopped to get something to eat, almost sent another guy over, and when he got here he saw the last guy (competition) leave, and that normally means he is out, due to price. But something told him to come, and then even when he saw his under-priced competition, to knock on the door. So we talked for a few minutes and got down to business on the windows. A handful of windows into it he shared that he had lost his 1st wife to cancer. I must admit that the shameful cynic in me was rolling my imagination's eyes and asking, "are we really going to go here, and go for the pity sale...?" So after two sentences I had to ask, "If you don't mind me asking, what kind of cancer did she die of?" As it turns out she died of NSCLC, way too young, with 4 kids at home just after he returned from Afghanistan for his retirement from the Marines after 20 years of service.
As I listened to that story, and also the story of how his daughter was previously healed of autism, years before that, I was blown away. He admitted that his windows were likely not the price point I was going to want, and we conceded to not talk about windows anymore, and turned this into a faith conversation. As it turns out Glen is a man of very strong faith. He and his wife prayed over their daughter, discovered several things about how unforgiveness can block a healing, and after resolving that, wound up seeing the miracle of their daughter blow the medical industry away by winding up being healed of autism. The doctor apparently admitted that she saw no autism, but could not publicly admit that due to the fact that it would ruin her career.
I eventually shared that I was diagnosed with stage 4 NSCLC and was healed of cancer, but still have this tumor, back in February through so much prayer, and God's awesome grace. I went on to tell my "blessed plight story", and shared that we are starting a cancer support ministry at Great Bridge Presbyterian church on 4/25, which will be mainly focused on prayer and community.
Glen went on to tell me the rest of his incredible story, shared his testimony, and we got into some deeper discussion. He asked what would you say to someone, or the family of someone, who followed God and did it all right, but was not healed? Brilliant question that has been haunting me, because the reality is that healing here on earth does not always happen. The truth is that God calls people home sometimes. I have asked for this answer in prayer knowing that the question will arise at some point. While we did not come up with any definitive answers, we did wind up talking about it quite a bit. We discussed [Mark 11:25] where Jesus says, if you have something against your brother, leave the alter and go fix it. We discussed that some people do not feel worthy and are not able to truly receive a healing, which ironically could be viewed as a form of pride when you think about it. Beyond that, we discussed those that just won't or can't believe and receive.
So, we may have serendipitously (is that really a word?) backed our way into the answer...hold nothing against your brother, discard your pride and receive, and of course you have to believe. Without these ingredients I do not believe that healing is nearly as likely, if at all. Yet even with them, the reality is that it is actually still possible that no healing will take place in God's sovereign plan. So the answer to the question is if there was a complete surrender to God's plan and still no healing took place, God has something greater in mind than the earthly healing. How often this is the case, no one will ever know since we only have our perspective to lean on with regard to the people who are suffering. I cannot imagine myself saying that to anyone, since it shows so little sympathy and/or empathy here on earth, but that is the raw truth. Perhaps the important thing is to just follow the greatest two commandments for those left behind and worry less about explaining why God allowed something to happen to them. When someone does go home to heaven...Love God and love your neighbor. There are too many unknowns to do anything otherwise with our limited human perspective.
When death does occur, sometimes God uses a death to make huge impact for His purpose. I am reminded of some of the great cancer funds that are out there like Jimmy Valvano's for example. The bright side of his death is the huge success of his fund and what it does for so many. Quite possibly, there is some comfort in remembering that this life is truly a vapor [James 4:14] if you are a saved Christian. When you take an eternal focus on life, you suddenly will not see the here an now as your everything, but seem to focus on eternity with Jesus as your everything. To do otherwise would be idolatry in the form of placing a higher priority on your life here and ignoring the big picture of eternity. We are immortal as Christians. We are never going to die. Our earth suits will decay and eventually perish, but our souls will live forever in perfection, together, in heaven. The second that our earth suit dies, is the second that we will be before Jesus, beyond time, beyond pain, beyond this fallen world. I have told people through my blessed plight that I was not afraid to die. I was not, and I still am not. If God wants me to go home, I am going home. If God wants me to stay here and do more, I am going to do that. I do not want to die, and hope that I will not die for a long time, but I also fully surrender to Him. To save ones life, one must lose it. [Mat 16:25] A harsh reality check in priorities and perspective for us, to be sure, but it is truth. God is sovereign and calls us to be His, completely, no matter our circumstance. As I listened to Glen, I was reminded that he has an eternal focus. Even though he has been through war as a Marine, the death of a spouse, dealth with autism in one of his kids, he continues to honor God. In doing so, he also honors his first wife who has gone home to heaven, he honors and takes good care of his kids today, and he is very focused on his faith and keeps his priorities well in order.
So what does it all mean? I have to think that what it means is that God is calling us to do a few things, as I was once told by a very wise healing preacher woman named Edith. You must fully surrender to God's plan to be healed. You must not hold anything against anyone, and you have to fully believe and receive. It is so strange how this keeps coming up in conversations in which I find myself. Glen went on to provide an example and say that he prayed over a co-worker who had cancer return after 5 years in the form of a large abdominal tumor and suffered severe anxiety because of that. However, before he prayed over him he asked, "So do you believe the Jesus can do this? This is about your faith in God, and not me. I can't put my faith on you beyond praying for you. I am just a conduit, but you must believe before it will happen." He told the man he would have the surgery, and it would all be fine. The doctors took the tumor, it was cancerous, and they sent it to pathology for more testing. 3 days later the tests came back inconclusive and he was cancer free. The tumor reduced and went away with medication. That one really hit home as this is essentially my story as I await this tumor to be healed for my 100% restoration for which I have been praying.
I was reminded of when Jesus was doing all of the healing in [Matthew 9]. As we will note, he physically and spiritually heals a paralyzed man, He raises a dead girl and heals a sick woman...in both cases, someone had to come to Jesus and ask for the healing with faith. Then He goes on to heal two blind men and a mute, who he also heals physically and spiritually. In the case of the blind men, they follow Him up into the temple. Jesus asks them point blank, "Do you believe that I am able to do this?" You have to love that. Imagine if they would have said, "well maybe?" or asked, "How will you do it?" or "what are all of the possible outcomes here?" or any other of a million questions we humans like to ask to try to attain some control over a situation. They simply reply, "Yes, Lord" and they are instantly healed. They did not try to take control of it, they simply had faith, believed, and also received the healing.
I think my self-described A.D.D. may have gotten the best of me in this blog post. :-) Back to Serendipity...the answer to the question, "what do you say to someone who did it all right, and they were not healed?" is Love God and love your neighbor when they are sick. Love God and love your neighbor when they lose a loved one. Perhaps limit the postulation of your perspective, since it is only your perspective. As is written in [Proverbs 3:5,6] look to God for His perspective and He will make your path straight. Another favorite is [ Matthew 6:33 ]. If we seek God first, and ask what to say and how to act, He will provide the words and actions that are needed.
So, I prayed over Glen, wished him well, and we agreed that his windows were too expensive, but we agreed that we will meet again, and he will come speak at the GBPC cancer support group. I continue to be blown away by the people God is putting in my life. Glen told me that he had been praying for 6 years to meet someone that was healed of NCSLC, which is what his wife died of, since 3 out of 4 people who are diagnosed with it die annually. I am so excited for this ministry to take off and soar on wings of eagles.
#Isaiah40:31
Friday, April 7, 2017
Remember!
As I sit in a friends kitchen in Tampa this morning, having been stuck in Tampa on business due to the whole eastern part of the country's air schedule being shutdown due to bad storms yesterday, I read Dr David Jeremiah's email devotional which is about being delivered from Egypt. Certainly, being delivered from the airports and the fate of sleeping on those really comfortable airport chairs or floors, along with over-priced mediocre food, and of course grouchy people all around, is something to really appreciate. ...And having it be with friends (Misty and John) in one of my favorite cities in the world is a pretty cool twist.
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"And Moses said to the people: “Remember this day in which you went out of Egypt, out of the house of bondage; for by strength of hand the LORD brought you out of this place.”
Exodus 13:3a
Recommended Reading
Deuteronomy 7:17-19
One of the advantages of keeping a diary is that it helps us remember significant events in the past. And keeping a spiritual journal does the same; it reminds us of crossroads, provisions, and answered prayers—demonstrations of God’s faithfulness in the past. It is not just moderns who struggle with memory. The challenge to remember was a central theme in Israel’s life as a nation.
Then, and now, the most important thing that Jews remember is the Exodus from Egypt. It was then that God rescued and redeemed His people from a life of bondage to a pagan nation. As the Israelites prepared to leave Egypt, Moses told them to remember “this day.” What were they to remember? The “strength of [the Lord’s] hand” that delivered them from slavery to safety. God is strong; God is mighty to save; God is a promise keeper—and more. It is the attributes of God, displayed in the past, that give us cause to trust Him and live for Him in the present.
Remembering and considering God’s attributes and faithfulness is a step toward personal revival today."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
As I ponder being delivered from "Gehenna" (the airport in turmoil yesterday) I am also reminded of being delivered from cancer and healed to the extent that there isn't any, but I still have this tumor in my lung. God answered all of the prayers everyone prayed and took the cancer away, yet he did not heal the tumor, yet, and I remain on steroids for another 7 weeks. ...Why?
Interesting question. I suppose if I were God, I might want to take a look at me and my history of bust out of the gates running 100 mph, and off to the next thing, and craft a plan where I could both heal me and grow me simultaneously, if that is what I wanted to do, if I were God. #shrugs
As I reflect on the Israelites leaving Egypt, I am reminded that they spent 40 years in the desert wandering, groaning, walking, and generally not making great progress to the promised land. So why did they wander for 40 years and not just get to go straight to the promised land? The short story is disobedience and misalignment with God. Lots of complaining, groaning, and not doing what they were supposed to do. While that generation did not get to the promised land, and it wasn't until the next that did, I believe that God used that curse of 40 years to grow the people through that time.
So as I continue to walk in a much less dark shadow of the valley of death, I think that I (or really anyone[s] walking through the process of being healed) am supposed to continue to grow and God can use the current affliction, albeit currently benign but still very much there in my case, to keep my path straight and on course with whatever he has planned.
I think the key is faithful alignment and committing to getting there. One of the healers, and now good friend of mine named Edith, who prayed over me told me that I must fully surrender to God's plan and also have no unforgiveness or broken relationships in my life, in order to see the healing come to fruition. I made some important amends with some people and went the extra mile in some cases, and I am glad that I did that. It was not easy to assume the reduced position in some of those cases, but it was no where near as bad as I thought it would be, and it was a very important step in my trek. I do not know of anything left to do there, but I do know that God has a plan (Jer 29:11), and it needs attention. One piece of that plan is passing it on. "When we are healed, it is not just for us", as a very wise friend named Kevin who lives in Luxemborg reminded me a few weeks back.
So, I am thrilled to say that we are launching a Christian Cancer Support group at Great Bridge Presbyterian Church at 333 Cedar Road in Chesapeake on April 25th at 7pm. The group agenda will consist of a short biblical devotional, talk time for people there, and most importantly prayer. We are inviting people battling cancer, friends and family of those with cancer, and very importantly anyone who is a survivor. My hope is to create a setting where faith, prayer, and community exist, and many can grow, and Lord willing, can hopefully be delivered from their plight as well.
Here's to a continued walk to healing and 100% restoration, and to being delivered from where I was...oh yeah and deliverance from the cancer too. Kelly and I remain faithful that God will heal this tumor in spite of the doctors less optimistic prognosis of just trying to "shrink it some and then operate", and shock the medical world once again.
#Isaiah40:31
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"And Moses said to the people: “Remember this day in which you went out of Egypt, out of the house of bondage; for by strength of hand the LORD brought you out of this place.”
Exodus 13:3a
Recommended Reading
Deuteronomy 7:17-19
One of the advantages of keeping a diary is that it helps us remember significant events in the past. And keeping a spiritual journal does the same; it reminds us of crossroads, provisions, and answered prayers—demonstrations of God’s faithfulness in the past. It is not just moderns who struggle with memory. The challenge to remember was a central theme in Israel’s life as a nation.
Then, and now, the most important thing that Jews remember is the Exodus from Egypt. It was then that God rescued and redeemed His people from a life of bondage to a pagan nation. As the Israelites prepared to leave Egypt, Moses told them to remember “this day.” What were they to remember? The “strength of [the Lord’s] hand” that delivered them from slavery to safety. God is strong; God is mighty to save; God is a promise keeper—and more. It is the attributes of God, displayed in the past, that give us cause to trust Him and live for Him in the present.
Remembering and considering God’s attributes and faithfulness is a step toward personal revival today."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
As I ponder being delivered from "Gehenna" (the airport in turmoil yesterday) I am also reminded of being delivered from cancer and healed to the extent that there isn't any, but I still have this tumor in my lung. God answered all of the prayers everyone prayed and took the cancer away, yet he did not heal the tumor, yet, and I remain on steroids for another 7 weeks. ...Why?
Interesting question. I suppose if I were God, I might want to take a look at me and my history of bust out of the gates running 100 mph, and off to the next thing, and craft a plan where I could both heal me and grow me simultaneously, if that is what I wanted to do, if I were God. #shrugs
As I reflect on the Israelites leaving Egypt, I am reminded that they spent 40 years in the desert wandering, groaning, walking, and generally not making great progress to the promised land. So why did they wander for 40 years and not just get to go straight to the promised land? The short story is disobedience and misalignment with God. Lots of complaining, groaning, and not doing what they were supposed to do. While that generation did not get to the promised land, and it wasn't until the next that did, I believe that God used that curse of 40 years to grow the people through that time.
So as I continue to walk in a much less dark shadow of the valley of death, I think that I (or really anyone[s] walking through the process of being healed) am supposed to continue to grow and God can use the current affliction, albeit currently benign but still very much there in my case, to keep my path straight and on course with whatever he has planned.
I think the key is faithful alignment and committing to getting there. One of the healers, and now good friend of mine named Edith, who prayed over me told me that I must fully surrender to God's plan and also have no unforgiveness or broken relationships in my life, in order to see the healing come to fruition. I made some important amends with some people and went the extra mile in some cases, and I am glad that I did that. It was not easy to assume the reduced position in some of those cases, but it was no where near as bad as I thought it would be, and it was a very important step in my trek. I do not know of anything left to do there, but I do know that God has a plan (Jer 29:11), and it needs attention. One piece of that plan is passing it on. "When we are healed, it is not just for us", as a very wise friend named Kevin who lives in Luxemborg reminded me a few weeks back.
So, I am thrilled to say that we are launching a Christian Cancer Support group at Great Bridge Presbyterian Church at 333 Cedar Road in Chesapeake on April 25th at 7pm. The group agenda will consist of a short biblical devotional, talk time for people there, and most importantly prayer. We are inviting people battling cancer, friends and family of those with cancer, and very importantly anyone who is a survivor. My hope is to create a setting where faith, prayer, and community exist, and many can grow, and Lord willing, can hopefully be delivered from their plight as well.
Here's to a continued walk to healing and 100% restoration, and to being delivered from where I was...oh yeah and deliverance from the cancer too. Kelly and I remain faithful that God will heal this tumor in spite of the doctors less optimistic prognosis of just trying to "shrink it some and then operate", and shock the medical world once again.
#Isaiah40:31
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